Self Esteem? Self Confidence?

I know I often write stuff about love.

But this time I’m writing something different.

I’ve been struggling these past few weeks because of acne.

I’ve been having breakouts for less than a month now so I’ve decided to visit a Dermatologist.

It’s the worst I’ve felt so far.

Everyone’s been asking..

“What happened to your face?”

“Why do you have lots of pimples?”

“Why don’t you visit a dermatologist?”

“You used to have flawless skin! What happened?” 

I honestly don’t know how to answer these questions.

Are these even questions or criticisms?

It hurts me so much.

I feel very ugly everyday. 

and I’ve been feeling really down.

I don’t even want to go out.

Or go to work.

I even want to wear a mask even when I’m on my way home. 

I’m taking medications given by my dermatologist for 10 days now (but she informed me that I’ll have breakouts for the first month.)

I can’t wait for my meds to take effect.

I’m tired of people looking at my face like they’re disgusted.

I mean, Who wants to have acne?

Who wants to have blemished skin?

I bet no one.

I don’t get it why people become so insensitive.

People have become very shallow.

All they can see is the imperfect you.

The flawed you.

The ugly in you.

Nobody is perfect.

So don’t expect me to be perfect.

People tend to forget to see beyond the physical appearance.

The heart.

The soul.

The kindness within.

I’m not surprised why a lot of people get depressed because of insensitive criticisms.

Where do I get my self esteem?

Where do I get the self confidence that I’m slowly losing? 

Why do people have to criticize if they are truly concerned about you?

I can’t wait to regain what I’ve lost and what I’m losing.

I can’t wait to get better. 

I can’t wait to have my old self back.

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Bakit ikaw?

Minsan iniisip ko..

Kung bakit sa’yo nahulog ako..

Hindi ka nga perpekto..

Pero ikaw pa rin ang mahal ko..

Ni minsan hindi mo ako nakita..

At hindi ako sigurado kung ako ba’y iyong naaalala…

Ang hirap ng ganito..

Nagmamahal ng patago..

Walang kasiguraduhan.. 

Sugal ang nararamdaman.

Kung pwede lang turuan ang puso.

Matagal ko nang ginawa ito.

Kayhirap mong bitawan.

Kayhirap mong kalimutan.

Kahit wala naman tayong nakaraan.

Lagi kong dinadasal.

Na sana ikaw na ang bigay ng Maykapal.

At sana mapagod na rin ako.

Sa pagmamahal sa’yo.

At nang matigil na ang kagagahang ito.

Ayoko na ring umasa sa wala. 

Sakit lang ang laging napapala. 

An Open Letter to my friend (whom I’ve fallen in love with…) 

Hi Love!

I always miss you.

I don’t know why I miss you even when you’re around.

How do I tell you how I feel?

should I even tell you about it?

You’ll be away for a while.

And I’m not sure how it’s like to spend the week without you.

How much more a month without you?

You have fun, my love.

I want to see you wear that heart-melting smile.

I want you to make unforgettable memories with your family.

I’d be happier just seeing you happy.

I’m excited to hear all your stories when you come back.

I’ll never get tired of listening to you.

Will you miss me too?

I don’t want to know if you do.

I already know the answer.

I don’t even have to ask. 

I love you still, my love.

Even though I’m not sure if you feel the same way. 

And even though I am just a friend to you.

I will always care for you.

I will miss you. 

I always will.

I can’t wait for you to come back. ❤️

Thoughts on a rainy night.

And so I thought this rain,

Will bring me chills instead of pain.

I know these tears won’t ever fall.

For the person who doesn’t deserve these at all.

Oh dear self, you know how fragile you always get.

Don’t ever do something you might regret.

Keep those worth keeping.

Leave those worth leaving.

To those people who don’t seem to appreciate you,

Let them go if they want to.

Once they’ve realized your value, 

They’ll do everything just to have you.

But then, you’ll be the best thing they’ll never have.

Forgive even if you’re hurt.

Smile even if it’s hard.

Dear, you deserve so much more

and that’s for sure.

Allow the rain to wash your pain.

Let your tears take away those fears.

You’ll be okay in time.

Just when the sun shines.

You’ll be more than fine.

God has better plans.

He’ll make you happy in the best way that He can.

Trust His perfect timing.

Because He never wants to see you hurting.

Stay happy, stay bubbly.

For tomorrow should never make you worry. 

Good things will come your way.

So please don’t let temporary people ruin your day.

Everything’s going to be okay.

Just close your eyes and Pray. 💓🙏🏻 

Slowly but surely

Right now one thing’s certain, You make me really happy.

Thank you for treating me nicely.

When I felt like everyone’s giving up on me.

I’m not really hard to please.

A simple phone call or text message.. I’d be at ease.

Yes, we are friends right now.

What is to come .. is still unsure somehow. 

I actually don’t mind getting to know you slowly.

Please know that I’m not in a hurry.

Hey, you don’t have to be sorry. 

And don’t you feel guilty.

I’m always here for you.

And I feel that you’re always there for me too. 

Even the most typical stories you could tell.

I’d still choose to listen to them all day. 

Why don’t we have coffee again?

I loved those mornings filled with smiles and laughters. 

I thank God everyday for making our paths cross.

I always pray that you’ll stick around for good. 

Because I’m sure I’d always annoy you for as long as I could.

I’d love to make more memories with you.

I’d love to share more meals with you.

I’d love to listen about how your day went. 

No matter how bad it is, I’ll find a way to make it a better one. 

It’s very rare for me to write when I’m happy.

I usually write when I’m lonely.

But this time, I’m writing because I’m grateful.

Because of you.

Let’s not rush things.

Everything will fall into place when God says it’s time.

Thank you for coming into my life.

Thank you for making things right.

💓 

“My Almost and Could have Been? I hope Not.” 

When we met I felt you were the one. 
The one who will give my life a different hue. 

The one who will make my mornings better than they were before. 

The one who will make me smile and laugh for sure.
Maybe I expected too much from you.

Everything I felt was too good to be true.

Or I guess I never should have expect anything from you.

For it only gave me hope that this dream of “us” will soon come true. 
I thought so it might lead into something romantic.

Everything that I felt was magic.

It came as a hurricane.

And destroyed me more than storms cause pain.
I never intended to bother you in any way.

I didn’t want to oblige you to talk to me everyday.

But I honestly prayed you’re here to stay.

And be with me till the end of day. 
Everyone asked if we have this special thing.

I could only smile and say nothing.

Because I honestly don’t know what we were.

Am I just a friend or is it something uncertain?
These feelings are something we couldn’t fake.

Maybe I was that risk you didn’t want to take.

And I was like a scar you’ve always hid.

Or A tear you never want to shed. 
Why didn’t you warn me before I fell?

I didn’t know that it will hurt like hell.

I want to get to know you well.

Your fears and awes to me you can always tell. 
I never want you to be my “almost”.

I constantly wished you’d be my “always.”

My “everytime” in this world full of “sometime”.

And not just my “could have been or would have been.”

To my Coffee Buddy

Hi! I can’t sleep tonight.

Definitely not the caffeine.

Maybe it’s my mind saying.

“You should just stop overthinking.”

Now. 

I’m not sure how fast or slow did it go. 

But i’m sure it started with a simple “hello”. 

We’ve been enjoying coffee together now. 

And shared several mornings somehow. 

We’ve had good laughs.

And we tease each other alot. 

As days pass by, you’re becoming part of my  life.

You’ve brought me endless smiles.

You take all the stress away.

No therapy involved. (LOL)

Just your thoughtfulness,

Your concern and your time.

Can I just ask?

Will you stay for good?

Or will you eventually leave like most of them did?

I’m so afraid to get left behind.

I’m so done with all these pain.

Please don’t turn my sunshine into rain.

I want to share more stories with you.

More laughs with you.

More coffee with you.

Nothing will ever be certain today.

But I’m hoping you’re here to stay.

Wherever this may lead us.

Let’s take risks and trust.

My coffee buddy for always. ☕️